Note: This post is an additional, yet, completely different story to the previous post, “Got Stood Up? Check Out These Two Perspectives!” that highlights the same theme about different perspectives; but it can also be read by itself.
In addition to those obvious blessings, I most recently received a blessing in disguise.
I trust that it was one of the old, yet, similar experiences from the past resurfacing to be re-examined and transformed.
Note: Image on right found next to link => A Picture is Worth a 1000 words – blogger (thank you)
From a limited perspective, it could easily be perceived as a haunting, nightmare-like scenario that keeps returning to torture one mentally, emotionally, physically (with headaches and/or the draining of energy), and even spiritually.
However, from an expanded perspective, I realized that Spirit within was giving me an opportunity to respond (from a state of love) to a similar situation rather than react again (from a state of fear).
Otherwise, how else will I know (and not just believe)—from personal experience (experiential knowledge/wisdom)—that I am not a so-called victim to any circumstance?
My oldest sister—half-sister (from my biological father’s first marriage) I first talked to in 2012—sent my husband and I a text message the other day that my bio father was in the hospital.
In a nutshell, he had abandoned my mother and I when I was six months old, never heard from him since, my husband found him while I was deployed in my mid-thirties, we surprise visited him in 2008 in Cali during Veteran’s Day weekend, I called shortly afterwards during Thanksgiving (since he said that he sincerely wanted to make up for lost time) and left a message with his third wife because he was apparently on a walk with their grown son, sent a Christmas card that year but never heard from him both times (so I let it go), found out later that his third wife had never given him my message and card (but she ended up diagnosed with cancer shortly after our visit and then passed away I think a couple years later), found out that he was diagnosed with cancer in 2012 and my step-mom talked me into calling him, and he visited our home in 2012.
I hadn’t spoken to him since 2013 or so due to more unbelievable moments. I shared some stories in my About page, to include the post, “My First Encounter with a Narcissist” and “Unconditional Love from Angels and Aliens” (A deeper understanding of my bio dad’s underlying, “narcissistic” nature) from that series; I also shared some pics and additional info in my A Message to My Inner Child page.
Anyway, I called him and found out that he had two strokes in February and March of this year, and this time he ended up in the hospital due to passing out; he had lost a lot of weight ever since he was diagnosed with cancer, and continued to since then.
He initially seemed surprised and happy to hear from me—though his speech was slurred—and he asked if I could call back after his time 7 p.m. since he was in the middle of treatment.
I agreed, and called back during that time-frame (after a long and interesting phone call with my oldest sister that we hadn’t had in years).
He excitedly asked, “Are you in L.A.?!” but I explained that we would visit, but weren’t able to due to an upcoming road trip we had planned a while back to visit other family members (for a special occasion).
His tone changed immediately to a cold and distant one, and basically said that the hospital was going to release him that night, but that he had no one to pick him up; so they extended his stay for the weekend.
I asked why his assisted living place couldn’t pick him up, and he replied, “I suppose they would if I asked.” I sensed at that moment that it was his pride that was in his way of asking for help from them.
Perhaps he wanted family to pick him up, and I have no doubt that it stemmed from desiring to experience unconditional love (something I trust that every soul yearns for).
I would pick him up if the situation allowed for it, but the timing wasn’t good; two long road trips back to back was not going to happen.
He then added that he could no longer talk since he had visitors at the moment and that his youngest daughter (from third marriage) was going to pick him up this coming Monday.
It had only been about five minutes into our conversation. I strongly sensed that he didn’t have visitors, but that perhaps he figured we weren’t any use to him, so there was no point in continuing the conversation (conditional love).
Or maybe he felt that I hurt his feelings; but he can’t expect for his other four, adult children (from first marriage and second relationship/my mom)—whom he had next to zero interests in or concern for—to just drop everything and be at his instant service when he suddenly needs it.
Now had that been a current loved one who was in the hospital, or a close friend, or even my adoptive dad who had raised me since I was three (despite being absent often and passed away in 2011 of a heart attack), I would’ve done everything in my power to visit them ASAP, to include selling my wedding ring if needed.
Anyway, both my loving half-sisters visited him this past week, though he had neglected them most of their lives too (childhood and adulthood).
He was apparently the same in the way he treats others, and not just because of his dis-eases that he developed in his mid-seventies.
I trust that his cancer and both of his strokes stem from blockages within his chakra systems, especially those related to the Heart/Wisdom/Unconditional Love/Divine Feminine/Goddess/the right side (hemisphere) of his brain that correlates with his left side of the body, which explains why his left limbs are immobile.
My husband and I had a kind, yet, heavily left-brained centered elderly friend who was diagnosed with cancer as well, in addition to his left limbs not functioning well, and other health issues.
I had shared some related stories in the post series, “The Strange Increase of Death and Disease Showing Up: Parts 1-13,” but then took a break from it because I didn’t feel like focusing on death and dis-eases.
Within this series, I also shared a story that I hadn’t published (but may at a later time) related to stroke. In a nutshell for now, I found out less than a year ago that the older man—in my father’s generation or earlier—who owns one of the local Korean supermarkets here, had a stroke.
Rewind years before that, and he was the grumpy old man who I had never seen smile. One day, right before walking past him, I greeted him with a smile; he looked right at me with a grim expression, and walked off. I never said hello to him again.
Another time, I heard him going off on one of his cooks–-they also have a small restaurant there—where customers could hear from right outside the main storage area.
When I saw him last, I was surprised to see that he was in a wheelchair. I approached and asked what happened, wondering if he had gotten into some accident, and he did his best to communicate with a strong slur.
His friendly wife then explained that he had a stroke, which explained why half his face was drooping downward. My heart went out to him, and I told him that my husband and I wishes for him to heal soon; he thanked me, and that was the first time I saw him smile.
Anyway, due to my own bio father’s unwillingness to open his mind and especially heart, I have no doubt that he’s continuing to be his usual, mostly unloving ways—unappreciative of kindness (to include thoughtfulness), very condescending to nurses assisting him, insensitive to others’ feelings, showing very little interest in those who drove many miles from another state to visit him, and bragging about his youngest daughter’s material accomplishments again in front of his older daughters, whom he didn’t even acknowledge when one of the nurses said, “I didn’t know he had other daughters.”
To say that another interaction with him wasn’t challenging and draining on all levels of my being would be a lie. It’s so easy to get angry, or overflow with rage, when someone like him hurts those I love dearly.
From a physical mind’s limited 3D perspective, he is hands down the most unbelievably difficult and damn near impossible human being I had ever known, coming in first place with a BIG-@$$, glaring trophy.
Even my mother, who used to be in the top five, showed soul growth over the decades, slowly but surely opening her once hardened heart and being more loving towards self and interconnected others.
When I go deep within, and expand my perspective, I realize that hurtful people like my bio father are the way they are due to their lack of unconditional love for themselves; we can’t give to interconnected others what we don’t believe we have within us, or that we believe is limited (though love is unlimited).
My biological parents didn’t experience and learn much Unconditional Love from their own parents, who were emotionally unavailable most of the time (more than likely from their own heart-breaking childhood experiences as well).
So it’s understandable why all four of my parents (biological and step) ended up becoming wounded wounders, rather than Wounded Healers—like the ancient Ascended Masters Jesus, Mary Magdalene, Buddha, Quan Yin, Mohammed, etc..
When I open my mind and heart (as integrated Mind/Heart of One), I’m able to see the bigger picture—beyond the outer surface that may appear very ugly—and I can then Be deep understanding and compassion, and much more.
When I expand my consciousness even further, I intuitively know that I —as higher version of Multidimensional Self/aka Higher Self/Soul/Spirit within—chose my biological parents prior to my birth because their various aspects (mostly stemming from traumatic, fear-based energies passed down throughout generations) would gift me with much life lessons to be learned, and profound wisdom to be gained, especially…:
- deep understanding of the bigger picture using an expanded perspective (with open mind and open heart => integrated Mind/Heart of The One)
- empathy (deeply feeling for and with another from the heart rather than feel sorry for from the physical/logical mind via sympathy)
- pure compassion (compassion that allows what simply is rather than compassion that desperately needs to rescue every time, without discernment, due to not trusting The Divine Plan)
- unconditional forgiveness from the Heart (rather than conditional forgiveness from the physical/logical mind that’s done only when another apologizes or asks for forgiveness, or so that one can convince self that one is a “good person,” convince others that one is a “good person,” be approved by a higher power like god, go to place called heaven, and/or avoid going to a place called hell)
- and ultimately…Unconditional Love (profound, True Love that unconditionally accepts/embraces/loves all aspects of self (and interconnected Life)—material world dualities/polarities of good vs bad, right vs wrong, normal vs different, beautiful vs what general society considers unattractive, etc.—and that is most powerful and highly beneficial for the individual and collective soul growth/spiritual evolution when flourished from within)
The last time my bio father was an @$$ AGAIN, I reacted from fear-based energies—to include disappointment, frustration, confusion, anger, resentment, sadness, depression, and even hatred.
He basically called me in 2013, bragged about himself, and then abruptly hung up. He claimed that former President Obama had given him a late Congressional Medal of Honor (my husband and I have been taking everything he says with a grain of salt).
My bio father wanted to prove to another that he was deserving of the label, “honorable” via his military award, not realizing that his soul/Spirit within doesn’t need material recognition to define all that it amazingly IS, though his insecure, fearful ego self does.
He then disrespectfully referred to former President Obama as a half-breed, as if he had forgotten two things:
- before becoming an honorable leader who’s respected by others, one must first learn to be a respecting and honorable follower/student/soldier/servicemen/service woman/server, etc. to those who have shown their leadership abilities (rather than judge them by their earthly backgrounds)
- that his two adult children from his third marriage and I are all half Japanese—them being half Italian, and me being half Korean.
Now if I was the only one of his six adult children who was half Japanese, it would’ve been easy to think that he had expressed his judgment towards “half-breeds” in order to be hurtful to me.
I also sensed that at some point(s) in his past life, someone (or more than one person) had called him a half-breed. Again, wounded wounders are those who justify hurting others because they had been hurt, rather than thinking and feeling something to the effect, “Wow, those words—or action(s)—from that unaware person (“lost soul”) didn’t feel so good, so I choose not to say (or do) this to another.”
My bio father also bragged about his fancy funereal arrangements (to include an expensive coffin) that his two children (from third marriage) had set up for him.
I trust his sharing of this information stems from his need to prove that he’s worthy, because he doesn’t realize that his sheer existence on this heaven on earth—like every interconnected Life within this Universe and beyond (so-called “good” or “bad”)— is worthy/invaluable/priceless with Divine purpose.
He didn’t ask how I was doing during our phone conversation (which wasn’t a surprise), but abruptly said he had to go at the end (since he was done talking). Although he had given me his new address, I threw it away after we hung up.
I didn’t miss him since; but then again, there was nothing ever to miss. I’ve missed the presence of kind strangers, whom I’ve only known very briefly, more than someone like him—who’s so out of touch with his heart due to being afraid of being deeply hurt again by those close to him.
However, this time, to my great surprise, I felt overall peace with my last conversation with him, though I initially couldn’t help wondering why I was sent this blessing in disguise from Spirit within; it seemed a bit much.
But now I have no doubt that it truly was, yet, another priceless gift that showed me that I (and anyone else) can handle such situations without losing my mind again and becoming upset, angry, sad or even depressed.
Early this morning, while lying in bed in the darkness, silence, and stillness, I sent all of my loved ones, to include my bio dad, loving energies from my heart.
I imagined and visualized a light pink bubble of Unconditional Love energy enveloping his entire, fragile, physical energy body, as well as his mental, emotional, and spiritual energy bodies for deep healing.
I trust that whatever he (or any other interconnected soul) goes through in this and other lifetimes, is ultimately meant for his highest benefit/individual and collective soul growth/spiritual evolution.
And though I have absolutely no desire to ever interact with him or see him again—or even attend his funeral—I choose to always wish him well from a far far far distance.
And last but not least, I made this choice because I chose to unconditionally love the all of self, despite not having a biological father who does or ever did—to include the aspect of self that doesn’t feel drawn to very selfish and habitually hurtful people (regardless of their personal reasons).
This section in blue font only inserted 5/29/2017: I was strongly drawn to this reading about Blue Ray Beings that I highly resonate with, and the following paragraph reminded me of what I had shared in the paragraph right above:
“Blue Rays had to learn the long way that they are not responsible for everyone! Their huge capacity to love unconditionally saw them stay in stuck relationships or areas of addiction and hardship until they re-remembered the essence of why they are here.”
The above reading about Blue Ray Beings also reminded me of a vivid dream I had a while back. I was traveling through a dark place on a slowly moving platform surrounded by a group of translucent Light Beings. I wasn’t afraid, so I trust that I wasn’t being abducted. When I looked down, I saw a bright blue light (shared dream within blog, to include “Dream Messages from Multidimensional Self.”
Like I’ve mentioned in another post years ago, if I had used the excuse of all the “negative”/”hurtful”/”dark”/”bad”/”evil”/”traumatic” that’s happened to me in the past to define who I chose to Be at any given moment, I could have ended up as a serial killer or something close to that level of hatred.
However, though I still acknowledge and embrace this extreme aspect of fear-based energy that exists within me (e.g., my post, “A Very Dark Side of Me”), like many other aspects within every human being, I have no need or desire to misuse or abuse it to this day. But then again, anything’s possible. 😉
Perhaps there’s a dark/unknown/shadow aspect of Multidimensional Self (opposite of the aspect that is Goddess of Love Hathor) who (like the aspect that is Goddess Sekhmet) destroys all that no longer serves—from a neutral perspective to most highly benefit the interconnected whole/All of Life throughout this Universe and beyond/All That Is/The One/Holy Spirit/Prime Creator/Source/Divine Mother Goddess/I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Christ Buddha Light Love Consciousness within).
Note: Image on left of Goddess Hathor found next to link => Experience Ancient Egypt (thank you) and image on right found next to link => “Hathor -Sekhmet” Goddess Inspired – WordPress.com (thank you)
May 23, 2017