This morning, the video, “Rules children follow in a narcissistic home” showed up in my awareness in Divine perfect timing and order, and I’m very grateful for the gift from Spirit within.
The title of the video made me curious, so I checked it out trusting that it was meant to help me to deeply understand and better know self/Self (Soul/Spirit within).
After watching it, I shared a comment that built up by the moment and ended up pretty lengthy. However, I chose not to be concerned about the unconventional, long message since I have no doubt that it’s highly beneficial for all of us who cross paths with this space of Light (informative, encouraging, uplifting, empowering, inspiring, and consciousness expanding information) and Love (Cosmic Unconditional True Love/Wisdom).
Note: Image on right above found next to link => Life Labs – Psychologies (thank you)
The following is the comment I shared with the creator of the video mentioned above, and for whoever else happens to read it:
Thank you for sharing this helpful video. I grew up with narcissistic parents (wounded wounders)—my mother more severe than my adoptive, American father.
[Inserted Note: The paragraphs below are the colors red, orange, and yellow because they represent the core, inner wounds of my three parents (the most influential people of my life—genetics and environment), and are also symbolic of the remnants of my own inner wounds within my lower three chakras; and by passionately creating, fully expressing, and freely sharing this post, I trust that my ability to generously give this gift to interconnected others shows that I now have it within—a strong foundation of fully healed and balanced chakras]
In a nutshell, my mother had a very difficult childhood, to include being pulled out of school at the age 13, to work in order to help support her parents and several younger siblings. She experienced much emotional abuse during childhood—with my grandfather being an alcoholic, gambler, and cheater (with a mistress on the side), and my grandmother ending up deeply scarred and apathetic.
I also have no doubt that my mother had experienced sexual abuse—from working as a young maid in a stranger’s house and/or from her father.
My adoptive dad was an orphan who experienced much physical, verbal, and emotional abuse from one abusive foster home to another. Both of my parents also experienced much neglect, the way many children throughout the world did during that generation (and others).
In addition, when I first met my biological father in my mid-thirties—who suddenly abandoned my mother and I when I was six months old—he was the most extreme narcissist I had ever crossed paths with my entire life; he, too, is a wounded wounder who didn’t go through a much needed healing process from his own harsh childhood.
His father treated him like a soldier since he was six years old, making him memorize military manuals and conducting various, formal inspections: room, clothing, shoes, etc. My bio dad often had to prove his worthiness to his father, which is why he accomplished a lot in the material world and often had the need to brag to others. .
Once I fully realized as an adult (in my early forties) that hurtful people are indeed wounded wounders—with narcissists (who aren’t able to unconditionally love themselves) being the extreme version—I was able to understand them from an open-minded expanded perspective, have pure compassion for them, deeply empathize with them, gradually and unconditionally forgive them from the integrated and balanced Mind/Heart (and not just logical mind), and even unconditionally accept/embrace/love this wounded aspect of them (ultimately within me) by visualizing their severely hurt inner-child curled up in a dark space within their adult bodies.
At the same time, I also learned to unconditionally love self more and more—to include respecting self and developing healthy boundaries—thanks to so-called narcissists and other types of unloving people; because at some point, we become so tired of all the BS, we’re like, “ENOUGH.”
As souls with free will, we always have a choice. If we’ve been hurt, we can turn around and hurt interconnected others (as wounded wounders); OR, we can come to the realization that being hurt—in any way, shape, form, or degree—doesn’t FEEL good; hence, choose not to hurt interconnected others, but rather, help heal them (as Wounded Healers who have obtained much wisdom from life’s sufferings, the way Ascended Masters did during ancient times, to include Jesus, Buddha, and Mohammad, to name a few).
Everything you shared in your video is spot on with how I grew up throughout childhood—with most of my mother’s ways of being carried out through my adulthood as well (until late thirties)…until I confronted her.
During childhood, I wasn’t allowed to clean the house at all due to my mother being very clean, and not trusting anyone else (to include relatives) to clean as perfect as her.
However, I was expected to act like an adult in other ways, to include often taking the blame for whatever went wrong in my parents’ lives. Examples: Apparently ruining my mother’s life, ruining her first relationship (my bio father) because I cried so much as a baby, ruining her second marriage (my adoptive father) because I failed to keep the family together, etc.
The blame game that a narcissistic parent(s) plays can cause a child to feel very guilty about many things, and develop: a habit of self-blame, a deeply ingrained belief of inevitable failure, and low self-esteem throughout childhood and adulthood. [Insight: My parents, mostly my mother, was often blamed for things during their childhood by their parents]
In ninth grade, while my parents were separated, my mother yelled at me that it was my fault that my adoptive father left (turned out it wasn’t), so she demanded that I go visit his office and beg him to come home.
I did, and he then yelled at me to get the hell out of his office since I’m not even his real daughter (something he had never said before). Since he had adopted me when I was three years old, to me, he was my real dad; so his words were like daggers to my heart. [Insight: When my dad was a child, a foster parent(s) told him that he wasn’t even their real son.]
Being yelled at and blamed on both ends was difficult enough, but to add rejection (from both parents) and failure (to bring them back together) pushed me over the edge, and I ran out of his office bawling, and I continued running and crying for a while. I also feared returning home, though I had no choice.
Hope these examples helped. From a human’s limited mind perspective, such traumas can seem unforgivable and unhealable; however, from an expanded, multidimensional (Soul/Spirit level) perspective, I’ve realized that by experiencing much “darkness” and fear-based ways of humanity—and obtaining profound wisdom from the life lessons (blessings in disguise)—I was able to experience the extreme opposite (polarity) within the full, colorful spectrum of Life. Therefore, I was able to deeply appreciate the once concepts such as unconditional forgiveness and unconditional love (Cosmic True Love that starts from within).
So contrast/duality of physical reality is like a disguised gift that allows us to compare the opposites and better understand our world and everything in it, especially our human selves/souls/Spirit within.
Like the well-known saying, bright and sparkling stars stand out thanks to the dark night’s sky.
Throughout human history—at our infant-like level of overall, fear-based, collective consciousness— if everyone and their mamas and grandmamas had been lovable and loving all the time, LOVE (Unconditional/True Love) would have lost its profound meaning since it would’ve been taken for granted, the way we often did (and continue to do) with many invaluable and precious things that are readily available to us (e.g., breathable air, potable water, abundance of food, safe shelter, etc.).
The following is a related excerpt from the previous post, “The Gift of Abundance from Acceptable and Unacceptable Spiritual Teachers“:
From an expanded perspective, I have no doubt that the once repressed or suppressed aspects of self/Self all resurface when triggered by the intense energies of Sedona, to be noticed, recognized, acknowledged, re-examined, healed, and integrated into the whole self/Self.
And we can either run away from them shouting, “I can’t stand these outer energies!“—like we did in the past, convincing ourselves that these negative energies have nothing to do with us—or face them (our fears) and fully embrace them (the inner fear energies first and foremost) with our greater integrated Mind/Heart Self (Soul/Spirit within), since darkness (ignorance/lost “negative” fear-based energies) is attracted to Light because it yearns to re-member (with the whole/The One).
The extreme energy aspect that I deeply feared since childhood—mostly my biological mother and partially my adoptive father—and later continually ran away from (mostly during my mid-thirties to mid-forties) was narcissism.
My biological father was the most extreme version, and when I thought I had escaped his energy when I discontinued our unhealthy relationship, the same energy later showed up (in another form) as a college classmate’s father (a successful businessman who only bragged about his own accomplishments during his daughter’s graduation party—the way my bio father apparently bragged about his own accomplishments during his father’s funeral, according to my half-sisters from his first marriage ).
Later, it showed up as my husband’s client (an overachieving, retired, Air Force officer who was often arrogant). Then, it showed up as an elderly paraplegic man/neighbor (who was very pessimistic, cynical and completely insensitive to others’ feelings).
I finally recognized, acknowledged, and embraced the fact that there was no escaping this energy aspect that was ultimately a part of self (any every other interconnected soul)/Self (Soul/Spirit within).
As I further learned from Teal, this wounded aspect of self had to show up in others because my fearful ego self kept suppressing this unwanted energy, that was merely asking to be noticed, unconditionally accepted/embraced/loved, healed, and integrated as part of the whole/The One.
Note: For an expanded perspective of the narcissistic energy, see my next post, “Hugging the Wounded Child/Narcissist Energy Trapped Within an Adult Body” The following sentence is from this post:
At the same time, I also learned to unconditionally love self more and more—to include respecting self and developing healthy boundaries—thanks to so-called narcissists and other types of unloving people […]