From a limited, physical, human mind perspective, the stories within this post can be perceived as the actual people (and our ego selves/personality selves), obstacles, challenges, human dramas, unfortunate situations, injustice, and varying degrees of suffering .
However, from an expanded, multidimensional (Soul/Spirit level) perspective, the stories are blessings in disguise (to learn life lessons and to obtain wisdom)—merely symbolic representations of the different aspects of energies we emit to, or share with one another, in order to mirror the unaware/unknown/shadow aspects that exist within all of us (whether positive or negative).
All aspects of energies within the interconnected Love Frequency (like the full, rainbow spectrum of colors)—very low/dense/fear vibration (like the color red) to the very high/light/compassion vibration (like the color violet) —can be found within all souls to differing degrees (some more than others).
Note: Images above found next to links (thank you) => 1) Science ABC 2) towleroad.com:“Stormchaser Greg McCown captured an extraordinary photo of lightning and rainbow colliding in the Arizona desert. It has quickly gone viral.”
When we’re able to unconditionally accept/embrace/love more and more aspects within us (enlightenment), I have no doubt that we can then fully do so for interconnected Life/All That Is—the way that our I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence, and ultimately Holy Spirit/Source/Prime Creator/Creator of All Creation: Crop Circle 6666/Divine Mother GODDESS embraces humanity and beyond.
Note: Image on right found next to link => Simply Blessed (thank you)
When it comes to so-called fear-based, negative energies within all of us, my greatest challenge has been to…
deeply empathize with…
have pure compassion for…
and unconditionally accept/embrace/love,
and heal and integrate into the whole human self/Self (Soul/Spirit within)…
the following energies—the vibrations that I’ve been strongly conditioned by—from the most influential relationships of my life since birth (my three parents/the foundation of all relationships)—and have been turned off by :
- separation consciousness and victim mentality
- abandonment, rejection, and mistrust
- LOW: self-awareness, self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, and self-confidence
- anger, rage, and abuse (in various forms, especially emotional abuse)
- passiveness, passive-aggressiveness, and aggressiveness
- dishonesty, lies, disloyalty, betrayal
- patronization and condescension
- manipulation and control
- narcissism (as shared in the recent post, “Hugging the Wounded Child/Narcissist Energy Trapped Within an Adult Body“)
The above list may not be all inclusive, so I’ll add more later if I receive further insights.
Note: Three images above found next to links => 1) epod.usra.edu, 2) Bleaq and 3) Pinterest (mondfaenger: “ Lost in reality Photo by abi Danial ”) (thank you)
This section—in-between <3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3<3—inserted 1/14/2018 (Sun):
The very helpful video, “Find Your Negative Imprint, Find Your Life Purpose -Teal Swan-” has helped me to realize that I’m meant to perceive the above mentioned “negative” energies as stepping stones of success—golden opportunities to fully and truly experience them and their extreme opposites (plus everything in-between) in order to deeply appreciate them all, especially the latter. Contrast/duality/polarity = blessings in disguise.
For instance, first experience much, IN YOUR FACE OBVIOUS narcissism energy that stems from an extreme lack of unconditional self-love, in order to eventually experience complete unconditional self-love/True Love that starts from within (which helps us to fully love interconnected Life, to include so-called ‘others’).
Note: Image on left above found next to link => Etsy (thank you)
As I’ve briefly shared within the above post, I’ve learned that we can run from these “negative” “bad” or “evil” energies throughout our lives, but they will always show up in some other form (e.g., another person with the same vibes).
And running away can last from one lifetime to another to another and so forth.
Note: Image on right found next to link => Everyday Idioms!!! – Language Systems International (thank you)
We will remember our ability to Be the Light and Love onto interconnected darkness and fear—transmuting them (raising their vibrational frequency) to their core essence.
But this True Love must start from within, and our outer world (to include interconnected souls) helps us to accomplish the greatest life lesson—in order to obtain cosmic, Divine Wisdom: that everything happens perfectly to ultimately highly benefit interconnected Life/All That Is/The Whole/The One—by mirroring back to us whatever we need to see with clarity (right or wrong, good or bad, positive or negative).
And the Story with All the Characters from Within Begins…
Ever since we moved to Flagstaff this past fall, and I had various experiences in Sedona as well—to include briefly working there, visiting the major vortexes, and interacting within the community—it seemed like I was living in simultaneous heaven and hell on earth. Note: More of the heavenly experiences shared in post, “Reuniting with Ancient Roots and Building the Courage to Be Full-Potential Self”
Sedona is not even close to what I had imagined it to be (with the exception of surrounding nature). The following is an excerpt from a recent post, “The Gift of Abundance from Acceptable and Unacceptable Spiritual Teachers“:
Sedona is famous world-wide for being the spiritual mecca, so I had an expectation that it was an overall (keyword) peaceful, friendly, caring, joyful, wise, and highly spiritual community; perhaps one day.
Note: Image on right above found next to link => nature.org (thank you)
One of the lessons learned is that just because a business or organization is within Sedona, or associated with spirituality on the outer surface (i.e., a new age store, a crystal store, tour business, a vegan restaurant, etc.), doesn’t exactly mean that the managers and/or owners themselves are heart-centered beings.
Granted, there are at least a few stores that I’ve noticed so far where the energy of the business name and/or purpose matches the energy of the people running the show—like Stone Age, where the male manager and/or owner radiated the vibes of a gentle, loving soul.
One of my former coworkers from my second job in Sedona—I’ll name him Donnel—brought up a great point. He said that a lot of old stuff from within gets brought up to the surface when we’re in Sedona—whether visiting, working, and/or residing—and that we can choose to be self-aware and benefit from those experiences, or we can choose to be blind to them and basically be a lost soul.
It’s true that such experiences can seem like a blessing or curse—depending on our perspective—but I add to what Donnel shared: It’s ONLY when we’re willing to notice (truly look at), recognize (shadow aspect of self), re-examine, acknowledge, unconditionally accept/embrace/love, heal, and integrate into the whole ALL that resurfaces, will they benefit us.
He also shared that though Sedona attracts visitors who are overall positive and loving in nature, it also attracts some unpleasant folks with very low energy/vibes (vibrational frequencies), and I noticed that as well.
Some customers—mostly elderly Caucasian women and some elderly Caucasian men—would come into the store just to make their snotty comments—basically minimizing, undermining, ridiculing, and/or jokingly criticizing spirituality, crystals (to include crystal skulls), and related things.
I would just handle such situations to the best of my ability, like being professional and cordial, but not going above and beyond. If the moment feels right (i.e., I sense even a tiny opening to their seemingly closed mind and heart), I also inform them of any details that may help them expand their consciousness about whatever topic(s) they’re skeptical about.
This includes the fact that everything’s made of energy and vibrates at different frequencies, sound is very powerful (even doctors and other professionals these days are incorporating sound healing into their practices), and the fact that science has proven the effectiveness of crystals within technology that are fundamental to our daily lives (e.g., watches, cell phones, TV’s, computers, lazers, etc.).
Sometimes, I’ll simply greet customers and start to inform them that we have filtered water for them to drink, but they’ll verbally cut me off, shoo me away with their hand gesture, and/or react by snapping comments like, “We’re fine!”
I initially allowed such unfriendliness to bother me, but when I reflected upon the experiences from an expanded perspective, I thought, “I get it. They more than likely had some negative experiences in the past while exploring stores (i.e., pushy, car salesman-like employees whose only motive is to sell them something); so their fear-based words, behavior, and actions are a defense mechanism that shouts the warning, ‘Back off sister! I’m just here to look!'”
A handful of certain, elderly Caucasian women (and even other ages of Caucasian women) would be very nice to our Caucasian employees, but give me dirty looks and/or speak to me in an unfriendly tone.
Once, I intuitively sensed that the elderly Caucasian women felt resentful (and even hateful) towards Asian females because they had strongly sensed in the distant past—though without physical evidence and confessions—that their veteran husbands messed around while stationed overseas (more than likely true, but not always since there exists faithful men).
While at the Sedona library, one elderly woman who works there made it very clear that she was racist; however, that balanced out with another elderly Caucasian lady (also a librarian) who was very welcoming and genuinely kind.
I wondered what it is that Spirit desires me to learn from the whole Caucasian, elderly women theme. Now that I examine the memories that stand out—due to a strong, positive or negative emotional association—most of the Caucasian, elderly women I’ve crossed paths with throughout my life have leaned more towards being not so kind, though I’ve also experienced very loving ones as wells.
Some of them were patronizing by saying unkind things using a friendly tone and with a smile on their face, and ensuring they add terms of endearment like, sweetheart, honey, dear, etc. as though such words justify their masked, unkind expression (that contains an unloving intention).
Granted, I’ve also witnessed women who use terms of endearment in their expression in a positive way; you can feel the difference (even very subtle ways) no matter how cleverly those with unloving intentions try to cover it up.
When I first started blogging, I shared a short story that I’m not sure I had gained insight from, and therefore, updated it. It was over 20 years ago while I was in my third trimester of pregnancy.
My first husband and I went to the mall to see if we could find size 5 women’s shoes that wasn’t readily available. When I asked one of the sales rep—a Caucasian, elderly woman—she slightly glared at me, pointed to my right, and said something to the effect of, “The children’s shoe section is over there.”
At that time, I didn’t even know what it mean to unconditionally love self—to include self-respect, creating healthy boundaries, and being assertive—so I expected my then husband to stick up for me; but he didn’t.
Though I went through a phase where I felt resentful towards him—since I raised to believe that real men are honest, confident, bold, and assertive—I later realized the bigger picture.
First and foremost, women can also be honest, confident, bold, and assertive; and they/we don’t have to reply upon men to stand up for us.
Looking back, neither my first husband (who’s a loving soul) nor I knew how to embrace all emotions (without judgment), honor our feelings (language of the soul), and fully and freely express ourselves with authenticity. It was no one’s fault.
Even that elderly, Caucasian woman had inner wounds of her own that more than likely stemmed from her childhood. When we’re not able to unconditionally love ourselves (to include self-respect), we’re unable to fully respect and love interconnected others.
When I expand my perspective/consciousness even further, I realize that the above mentioned hurtful experience—like many other blessings in disguise that initially cause human suffering—is, yet, another generous gift from Spirit within, part of the greatest life lesson of Comic, Unconditional/True Love for self/interconnected Life/All That Is.
The summer of 2016, while visiting family, I had a few series of experiences that made me furious. I hadn’t felt that level of anger in a long time, and I realized that after a certain point, my tolerance for rude-ass BULLshit reached ZERO.
One of the experiences I had was an elderly Caucasian woman (a cashier) who was blatantly rude to me, but then turned around and was super friendly to an older, Caucasian man who was behind me.
Shortly afterwards, I confronted her—to which she played it off as though she had no idea what I was talking about—and then wrote a review that shared a hurt, human perspective about discrimination, racism, and/or sexism, and a neutral observing, multidimensional (Soul/Spirit level) perspective.
To my great surprise, the morning I was getting ready to check out of the hotel we stayed at, I noticed the chaos that was being reported on the news near the main counter.
The locations where my emotions were at an intense, amplified state—to include one of the bible belt areas—experienced severe thunderstorms, flooding, and power outage.
At that hauntingly, amazing moment, I intuitively sensed what I had strongly sensed other times for a decade, but only shared a couple of stories within this blog due to my own doubts; but that’s another post about how Soul/Spirit affects weather.
Back to Sedona =>
Once, a group of females of different ages came to the store. Though the elderly Caucasian women and a couple of middle-aged Caucasian women were pleasant, one woman—probably in her late twenties or early thirties, and with antagonistic vibes—decided she was going to test me back to back to back.
With her squinting eyes (micro-expression of contempt), tight lips, and flared nostrils, she kept asking me (in a snotty tone) questions about spirituality rather than the items within the store, and not because she was genuinely interested in the answers.
Whenever I answered her questions, she appeared displeased. I strongly sensed that she had ulterior motives, like trying to set me up for failure in front of her group.
As usual, I went with the flow that day, and whenever any of the ladies asked a question regarding spirituality in general, I would answer them.
If it seemed like it would be helpful, I would also give them examples and analogies—to include Jesus teachings (that they were interested in) that stems from unconditional love, and not some of the altered, fear-based teachings like, you must go through me or else (which is actually about obtaining Christ Consciousness/Light/Higher Mind, and then Buddha Consciousness/Love/Wisdom/Higher Heart).
All of the ladies, with the exception of the one who had a problem with me—though she didn’t even know me— seemed deeply drawn into whatever I shared, and even gathered around me a few times as a group.
Despite what seemed like grilling from that one woman, I felt very calm, peaceful, and confident, and all the answers that effortlessly flowed out of mouth sounded so wise; I thanked Spirit within.
At one point, the unhappy woman demanded that I recommend a crystal to help her channel, though she didn’t seem heart-centered at all, and was new to spirituality and channeling.
In addition, she had never used crystals before, but that can be quickly taught; however, one can’t be helped by another if one doesn’t have the willingness to open one’s mind and heart.
The mere thought that she would be channeling any time soon was like visualizing a raid of massive, dark clouds covering the last ray of sunlight before the end of days. Yeah, I went there.
I initially recommended crystals that deeply heals and helps one to unconditionally love self, and she confidently stated (on the outside) that she doesn’t need any type of healing and that she completely loves herself.
Though I intuitively knew this to be far from the truth, I chose not to argue with a customer. Using my intuition, I then pointed out to her this one, baby blue crystal (that I wasn’t familiar with, and the name escapes me), and to my great surprise, one of the main benefits listed on the crystal card was that it helps one to be honest. To my great surprise, she agreed to buy it.
Before they all left, they—with the exception of the one woman—thanked me for sharing. I never had such a heated, yet, deeply satisfying experience before that’s related to spiritual teachings in public.
I’ve briefly led my own meetup group in Helotes, TX while living there—called “Rainbow Circle of Souls”—but no one had ever challenged me in a passive-aggressive, or even aggressive manner, though one man did so in an assertive way.
I’m grateful for this blessing in disguise. Though it was challenging not to perceive the snotty woman as a major pain in my ass (a hemorrhoid), when I expand my perspective, I’m grateful that she showed up in my life.
She mirrored back to self once, unknown aspects that I choose not to run my life (i.e., dishonesty, arrogance, jealousy, and related vibes), and once, unknown aspects that highly benefit self/Self—to include fully trusting and channeling Spirit from within.
Back to Donnel, my former coworker from my second job in Sedona:
He’s a very lovable and loving being. While briefly working with him, I noticed some signs that revealed suppressed aspects of him which I brought to his attention one day.
Even though he considers himself very spiritual, I have no doubt that we can all highly benefit as souls by always being open to new perspectives.
Once, I got into into a very heated conversation with one of my female managers (mentioned further below)—who had a tendency to just go off on people while justifying her aggressive words and actions because she’s so stressed out from helping everyone and their mamas and grandmamas (aka a rescuer, which I have no doubt were remnants of my own energies mirrored back to me).
I was so passionate about not allowing her to step all over me with her habitual, aggressive ways, the way she treated our male manager at times—who’s more passive and ironically the son of the owner —that I absolutely refused to play her blame game.
Afterwards, I was so frustrated, and Donnel—with his usual smiley face and strong need to ALWAYS be positive—said something to the effect of, “Relax…just let it go.”
I immediately and assertively told him, “Donnel, don’t tell me to relax. I have every right to feel the way I feel.”
I realized later that I had embraced my emotions and honored my feelings during those vulnerable moments—despite another trying to convince me to ignore/suppress my true feelings and to just be POSITIVE all the time—and I expressed to self how proud I was for being authentic.
The next day, while having another conversation with Donnel, he shared that after witnessing my interaction with the female manager, he realized that I was definitely the zodiac sign that I am (but in a beneficial, self-empowering way).
What’s interesting is that when we rewind to the beginning of when I started working with Donnel, I noticed that as soon as he found out what zodiac sign I was (he asked), he immediately placed me into a box as if astrology (as beneficial as it can be) defined the whole being of another.
I then found out that his mother—whom he still had a judgment about due to inner childhood wounds—was the same zodiac sign as me.
At one point, when he started sharing what to expect from people from all their zodiac signs,I shared with him that though the zodiac signs can give us some guidance, there are always exceptions to the rule.
He seemed to non-verbally express his understanding of this. I later read, from a book I had ordered, that there are various factors even within astrology that goes into predicting one’s way of being.
A couple of weeks or so after Donnel had told me to relax and let it go (when I was upset), and when I arrived to work, I noticed something drastically different about him.
He was always Mr. Bright Sunshine, but that day, he was sitting in his reading room without any lights on looking as though his soul was just sucked out of him—stiff body posture, stern facial expression, and glossy eyes staring into space.
I found out that the admin manager decided to suddenly change his schedule to work mostly at the sister store without even talking to him about it.
To make matters worse, the admin manager and the other female manager (both mentioned below within bullets) lacked clear communication (as usual), so Donnel ended up driving back and forth between stores before starting his shift.
That was the first time I had ever witnessed another side of Donnel; though his outward appearance seemed unfortunate, it felt real, and I have no doubt that it was highly beneficial for him to experience what it feels like to get shit on.
Otherwise, he wouldn’t be able to deeply empathize with interconnected others, and continue to easily tell them with a smile, “Just relax and let it go.” Personal experience (experiential knowledge/wisdom) can show us that it’s much easier said than done. Note inserted 1/11/2018 (or 1/11/11): In this video, “How to Deal with Anger – Teal Swan-” it states that those who do not allow themselves to experience anger are in a lower vibration than those who do, and therefore attract like energies, to include close relationships passing away. Now I understand why Donnel received a phone call one day informing him that his close friend had passed away of a stroke.
One day, Donnel shared a certain health issue that he’s been having for years, but wasn’t able to find an effective solution for despite his daily, very positive, outward demeanor. I later reflected upon it and received a reminder from Spirit within.
His condition was related to his root chakra, and ultimately stemmed from mother issues; and though I shared this info with him—via email and then a text message reminder (since he was scheduled to work mostly at the sister store)—I never heard back from him.
Now had I only sent one message (via email), I would’ve given him a benefit of a doubt that he may not have received it due to the email ending up in the spam folder, or something like that, but I had a feeling he did.
I only shared what I still trust to be highly beneficial info, but I realize that I can’t control how others receive what we give, so I no longer contacted him. However, I will always treasure our brief moments together, and if we cross paths again one day, I will greet him as my soul brother.
This section (in teal font) inserted on 1/2/2018, and are insights from the above mentioned sentence:
I then found out that his mother—whom he still had a judgment about due to inner childhood wounds—was the same zodiac sign as me.
I also share some honest thoughts and true feelings about my current state of being.
The energy aspect that often repressed and suppressed thoughts, beliefs, behaviors, words, and actions deemed unacceptable to society—due to the fearful ego self wanting to be accepted and approved of by society, especially immediate family (in order to survive)—is a very familiar vibrational frequency (from my childhood to most of my adulthood).
From the outer world mirroring inner world, it’s the same energy as my husband’s vibrational frequency, which is a slight upgrade from my first husband’s vibrational frequency.
I’ve learned from Teal that those closest to us can mirror the most of what we can learn about ourselves; so, it is my intention to fully let go of the need to repress or suppress anything anymore, but to simply Be a free-spirit.
Both my first/ex and current husbands have a lot of beneficial qualities, but honest, verbal expression of their true thoughts—not related to work, small talk, TV, movies, entertainment (such as football), etc.—and especially feelings, is not one of them.
I don’t think either one of them have forgiven their own mothers as well, though we’ve had talks about it in the past. Like a lot of men, they’re still uncomfortable about embracing all of their emotions. From an expanded perspective, perhaps they’re merely mirroring my own inability to fully forgive my own mother.
Granted, she has been and continues to be a very challenging person to love, but that’s because my love for her still has conditions, like my need for her to stop being most of the negative energies mentioned within this post.
However, when I choose to simply love her unconditionally—-just accepting/embracing her as is, while also maintaining healthy boundaries, to include self-respect and assertiveness (something one must do when dealing with aggressive personalities)—then I’m able to Be free.
I called her on this New Year’s Day, and about a month before that, though our last phone conversation in 2012 ended with her shouting that I have a bad personality, me telling her (for the first time) to stop her usual verbal and emotional abuse since childhood, her aggressively hanging up on me, and me not calling her back for almost six years.
One of my close, older sister-like cousins from Korea convinced me to forgive her and call her, so I did. I then felt resentful towards her for using my trust, love and loyalty towards her (my cousin) to manipulate me (using guilt trip) into doing something I didn’t really feel like doing; however, I realize that playing the blame game doesn’t get us anymore, and from now on, I just need to ensure that NO ONE has the power to make me do ANYTHING I don’t feel like doing.
My mother hasn’t changed much (mentally, emotionally, and spiritually), to include being somewhat distant toward me whenever there are other family members around her when I call (about a month ago), but being very friendly, positive, and loving whenever no one else is around when I call her (this New Year’s Day Korea time).
I brought this to her attention years ago, and shared how I felt about it—that she was being that way (two-faced) because she had talked bad about me to my relatives, so she had to show them that she doesn’t feel that close to me; but like many things, she denied it, so I gave up.
However, though she’s technically aged like everyone else, she still looks about 20 years younger than her age (as usual), and she’s still very positive when it comes to taking care of her physical body: continuing to wake up at 5 am, eating overall healthy, and exercising for a total of three hours per day—to include an hour out in nature since she lives in the country—though she’s almost 80 years old.
I just realized, while typing this, that I’m the near opposite of her when it comes to the energy bodies; I haven’t been taking care of my physical body, though I often have a positive outlook, often love self, love interconnected Life, and love to commune with Soul/Spirit within.
Lately, I don’t care to exercise (and it’s been sporadically that way ever since I injured my sciatic area while sprinting), I no longer eat overall healthy, I’m not motivated or inspired to do much anymore, I’m almost at the point of no longer having any desires left (to include visiting ancient, sacred sites; visiting my family in the States and in Korea; being of service to humanity, etc.) and dreams left (to include the details I’ve shared in one of the recent posts), almost nothing excites me, I definitely don’t miss interacting with people (so tired of humans in general and this sad, very corrupted, hopeless world), I no longer care if this world ends (like experience recorded in post, “Dream of Little Angel Alerting Outside of Window“), I’ve been making intention statements to simply and peacefully pass away while sleeping, and I’ve been sleeping a lot last month and last night ,where I went to bed early at 7 pm because I felt very drained, as though I had been drugged (the latter perhaps due to the December upgrade energies and the powerful Supermoon energy of the beginning of January 1-2 2018).
I trust the answers will come to me in Divine perfect timing and order why I’m the way I am now (besides the typical, human answers of major depression or low vibrational frequency of physical body).
Though I’ve experienced brief phases or moments of deep sadness, and even apathy, ever since I left the Army life, I’ve been doing very well bouncing back within days and even hours.
However, this is different. Perhaps being an ultra-sensitive empath is one of the factors; hence, I’m deeply feeling my energies within (resurfacing) that I have not accepted in the past/my mother’s energies/ultimately the collective wounded energies.
Sometimes, I believe that there’s nothing that I (or anyone else) can do to help my mother to be happy, which makes me feel powerless and sad.
I would just wish for her to pass away peacefully—though a part of me (still attached, fearful ego self) would feel sad—so that she can end her ongoing, inner suffering from her miserable life, and be in a heavenly state as a free soul that remembers its Divine essence. I also wish the same for my physical, human self.
But I realize that this narrow-minded, dis-empowered, limited way of thinking stems from the remnants of my fearful ego self not trusting in the Divine Love, Divine Wisdom, and Divine Power of The One/Source/Prime Creator/Creator of All Creation: Crop Circle 6666/Holy Spirit/Divine Mother GODDESS that exists within All Life/All That Is within this Universe and beyond.
However, I’m grateful to my ego self for all that it’s done so far to help me to survive (and even thrive) on this planet. while also gradually and courageously letting go of all that no longer highly benefits the self/Self (Soul/Spirit within).
There have also been plenty of moments throughout the years where my ego self was instantaneously in a higher vibrational state as another version/earthly Adviser to Spirit/Soul/Divine Masculine Energy/God; hence, the Multidimensional Self includes the physical, human self/personality self/ego self.
In addition, we cannot give what we don’t believe we have; hence, when I realize that the energy aspect called happiness always exists within me, I can then generously share it with interconnected others. But whether or not others choose to receive it, and even appreciate it, is on them.
The next time interacting with another doesn’t feel good at all (again, and for the last time)—even if it’s a family member (e.g., mother, close cousin, husband, adult kids, etc.)—it is my intention to set them (and self/Self) free and wish them well.
Ultimately, all these energies are within self (even to a small degree)/Self, and I have no doubt that I can highly benefit from further examination of inner-self so that I no longer have a judgment towards these once, unwanted aspects; but rather, perceive them from a neutral standpoint (the way Soul and Spirit does with all of Life/All That Is).
I have a strange feeling, that if and when I do bounce back from this extremely low vibrational state, it’s going to be immensely powerful and unstoppable.
Note (in green font) inserted on 1/3/2018 (W): As shared in the post, “The Gift of Abundance from Acceptable and Unacceptable Spiritual Teachers” I’ve chosen to extract from any outer teacher (to include spiritual teachers) that I’m drawn to in Divine perfect timing and order—whatever feels highly beneficial for the self/Self (Soul/Spirit within), and discard or disregard whatever information doesn’t—despite worldly circumstances, their past issues, and human dramas, since Spirit channels through us all, though we all have our own degree of filters. While continuing to feel numb inside, my curiosity led me to the reading, “The ‘Ripping Apart’ of The Collective into Parallel Realities” (December 27, 2017) by Bentinho Massaro, which I’m grateful for. I find the following excerpt encouraging, uplifting, empowering, inspiring, and consciousness expanding :
The chaos is being attracted to your life to FORCE you to turn your gaze toward the One Infinite Creator within, throw your hands in the air, and trust completely in love, and in the guidance that pulls you.
All your life you’ve already been planting tons of seeds of what your truly desired reality is. Like Abraham Hicks would say: You’ve been putting many things into your vortex.
This is your chance to reap the benefits. This is your opportunity to harvest the fruits of your previously envisioned dreams.
When the change you’ve been anticipating and intending for finally comes along but requires you to trust the changes necessary for it to manifest, don’t fight it with fear! Love and forgive yourself for being afraid, and know that your safest option is to let go and have faith. You are ever held in the arms of the Infinite Creator. You’ve never been a separate individual […]
Note inserted 1/11/2018 (or 1/11/11): This video, “Collective Energy Update – Massive Shadow Purge/Detox Happening” helped me to realize that while working at my first and second jobs in Sedona, I was eating overall healthy, to include often drinking Vega One shakes for breakfast, lunch, and/or dinner. So because my body was detoxing, much more of the old energies within were resurfacing to be noticed, recognized, re-examined, acknowledged, unconditionally accepted/embraced/loved, healed, and integrated into the whole self/Self. At the time, I didn’t realize that; I felt so frustrated that my outer life wasn’t improving despite improving inner self on all levels—physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually; so I ended up with a, “Fuck it” attitude where I went back to no longer trying to improve anything or doing anything productive.
Rewind to before meeting Donnel:
When I applied to my first job in Sedona, I ignored a red flag that whispered, “Don’t go there,” due to my fearful ego self needing to hurry up and get a job that seemed like it was a good fit (within a “spiritual” community):
Once I was accepted for the Customer Service/Sales position at this place, the only, brief, interactions I had was via email. So before the interview, I made a call to double check that the interview was indeed taking place at the mentioned location, since it normally doesn’t take place there (I found out later).
I ended up talking to an older woman, and she basically informed me (in a very rude tone) that there was no interview taking place there, and that she never hired me.
When I explained to her about the hiring process and the email exchanges between her and I, she became very irritated (even raising her voice at times) and said she would find out what’s going on.
She later called me back and left a message; in a sweet tone, she apologized for the misunderstanding. Apparently, there was an absence of communication between her and her husband (i.e., him using her email account and forgetting to mention it to her).
During the interview (which lasted about 30 minutes or more), the older woman/manager/owner was very friendly, and even offered a new position of Assistant Manager (that wasn’t posted) after skimming my resume and hearing about my past experiences; but she added that my second interview with her husband would finalize that decision.
The next day, my second interview with the owner/husband lasted over and hour and a half (the longest interview I had ever experienced).
However, I felt overall comfortable with him; he seemed like an honest, fair, humorous, thoughtful, smart, loyal (to his wife), and generous man with a big heart, though impatient and intolerant of actions that lack discipline; and he’s also very ambitious. Note: These positive and negative energy aspects are the same as my adoptive father’s, with the exception of honesty, loyalty and sometimes fairness, since most of the time, he wasn’t due to his own intention to be secretive about his decade-long affair with his mistress later turned third wife, and his fears of getting caught by my mother
I became excited about this multi-tasking new job opportunity—where I would be working at all their locations, splitting time between both owners/managers—and looked forward to starting soon. I even read and studied the SOP from the husband’s shop, the business pamphlets, and their website.
With my husband’s help—since he’s tech savvy—I even took mental notes on how to improve their website to smoothly run more effectively, and to attract more business.
My first day at this job, the older woman/manager’s overall verbal expressions, nonverbal cues—to include body language, behavior, and facial expression (like the barely blinking of her eyes)—vibes, and actions didn’t feel good at all.
She further informed me of the details of the employee (another older woman) that her and her husband were considering for the Assistant Manger’s position, but didn’t due to her continual incompetence throughout the years.
What was ironic is that during the day’s training, the owner/manager was often impatient, patronizing and condescending (in obvious or subtle ways) towards me, the other older woman, as well as customers. Note: These energy aspects are the same as my mother’s
However, the other older woman (who was supposed to become Asst Mgr) was very kind, informative, patient, dedicated, diligent (in a clam, cool, and collected way), and non-judgmental, and I thanked her for being so helpful.
The female owner/manager even withheld important information at times—to include not initially sharing her store’s SOP, knowing that I had a few days after both interviews to read and study all of the SOP’s (as she suggested).
On the second interview day with her husband, before heading back to home (Flagstaff), she made it seem as though their store’s pamphlets were the only reading material I needed to read and study from her section of the business.
If she had shared the SOP—and not the morning I started working there—perhaps it would’ve minimized her frustrations towards me. The SOP included a lot of details that would’ve been helpful prior to starting the job.
At one point, the owner/manager spoke in a kind and joyful manner to one of the other employees (a young female in her late teens); however, as soon as that employee took several steps to another area of the store, the manager immediately turned to the other older woman and started talking bad about her. I was standing next to them as a witness to such sadness. Note: This energy aspect is the same as my mother’s—as shared within a story in the previous section above—who ironically used to say often—throughout my childhood and adulthood—that she couldn’t stand two-faced, two-hearted people, but yet, she was this way
I was surprised because 1) the manager/owner was much older than me, and not some immature, junior high school girl who doesn’t know any better, 2) she was supposed to be a professional manager/owner, and 3) ironically, her and her very thoughtful husband hired me as an Assistant Manager—basically upgraded from the original position I applied for—to solve such unprofessional issues that’s been going on for a while among their employees.
I considered having a heart-to-heart talk with the manager/owner about everything that I had observed just within one day (which wasn’t pretty, and more than enough), but I strongly sensed that she was set in her old ways; perhaps if she wasn’t a much older, manager and owner, the talk would’ve seemed more doable.
She was even super smiley and friendly to certain customers, but as soon as they stepped out, she would whisper something negative about them. I wondered what she would say behind my back as well.
However, the other older woman (again, who was supposed to become Asst Mgr) was genuinely friendly towards other employees and customers, and didn’t talk bad about any of them when they left the store.
It is interesting to able to see the contrast/opposite aspects within duality (or more accurately polarity) in the same space; it’s a great learning moment.
At one point, the owner/manager mentioned that this customer (older man) went off on her once for explaining something to him, and since then she no longer provides additional information that may be helpful since she decided that all older men’s egos are too big, and it’s best not to trigger them. Perhaps in the past, she had to deal with so many pain-in-the-asses, that she created a facade of the friendly face on the outside, but bitter on the inside.
In addition, her condescending and patronizing style of communication more than likely turned off a lot of people, and though most don’t like confrontation, a few others boldly spoke their mind without hesitation, choosing not to take crap from others. Again, we always have a choice.
When others hurt us, we can turn around and hurt others (i.e., become wounded wounders). OR…we can realize that being hurt doesn’t feel good; hence, choose not to hurt others back (and even become Wounded Healers, the way ancient, Ascended Masters like Jesus, Buddha, Mohammad, etc. did throughout the world with often hurtful humanity).
So after a day’s work, I wrote her and her husband a letter (as part of a letter of resignation) that included the observations, as well as some solutions to their past and current problems—like leading by example (as a manager/owner) so that employees don’t mimic negative behavior, words, and actions.
I also mentioned that the other employee (older woman) has great potential to be an Assistant Manger—and shared her strengths that I’ve noticed—and that perhaps the owner/manager could help turn the employees so-called weakness into strengths with honest, tactful, and clear communication.
A part of me—my fearful ego self who was still reluctant to fully let go of the old and outdated that no longer highly benefits the human self/Self (Soul/Spirit within)—felt as though I was throwing away a great job opportunity.
However, another part of me (Soul/Spirit within) felt a huge relief from leaving that job, to include being happy for the older woman, who truly deserved to have the Assistant Manger’s position despite her so-called shortcomings.
She not only worked there as a loyal employee for several years without a promotion, but she also managed to tolerate an owner/manager who—without a shadow of a doubt—was very challenging to work with and for (which in itself requires a BIG bonus).
I also had a good feeling that even the owner/manager herself (as well as her husband) would start expanding her consciousness at some point—and truly Be her full-potential, loving self/Self, as she reconnects with her Soul/Spirit within—which I trust will automatically help her and her husband’s lives and business to flourish as well.
When I applied to my second job in Sedona, I also ignored some red flags that whispered, “Don’t go there,” due to my fearful ego self needing to hurry up and get a job that seemed like it was a good fit (within a “spiritual” community):
- When I called the crystal store to check on the status of my cover letter and resume that I had sent via email, the female manager—one of the three managers other than the female, admin manager—answered the phone and came off pretty rude.
- After the interview with the admin manager, she emphasized twice that I only turn in the completed application and related paperwork to her or the female manager at the sister store, and no one else. When I later came by the store again to turn it in, she wasn’t there. Donnel—who I had a great first impression of due to his sunshine nature—told me to just turn it into the admin manager’s husband (the male manager). After I explained to him what I was told twice, he continued that it wasn’t a big deal; however, the admin manager’s husband interrupted with an uncomfortable, yielding tone that I should, indeed, only turn it into the two people his wife mentioned. So I went to the other store and turned it in.
- From that point on, it was crystal clear who wore the pants in that family, and why the male manager was known to employees throughout the years as lacking tact, and often being condescending and patronizing during his communication and training, and even being an @$$hole at times (same energy aspects as my biological father’s; see sub-bullet below). He was talked to that way by his own, dominant wife, who masked her fear-based, negative thoughts and feelings with the need to often be funny and sarcastic. So as a wounded wounder—unable to process all the hurt thrown at him, but desperately needing an outlet the way a a ready to erupt volcano does—he knowingly, or unknowingly, did it back to others whom he felt safe to dump the lower energies onto. I shared a related story years ago—where I had obtained that wisdom—but the title escapes me (will insert link later if I recall).
- Side Note: From the stories I’ve heard within the two days that I’ve spent with my bio dad during his first and last visit to my home (when I was in my late-thirties), I have no doubt that he was often patronizing, condescending, and an @$$hole at times because his own father treated him this way throughout his childhood and adulthood. This vicious cycle can be passed down from one generation after another after another, etc.—wounded wounders creating more wounded wounders—OR, someone can decide enough is enough, and start making changes from within.
- The admin manager often made fun of people in general and how stupid and crazy they are (same energy aspects as my adoptive dad’s; see sub-bullet below). Though she had her moments of being humorous in a fun way, the underlying vibe was always that of superiority—the “I’m so much smarter than them” way. I understood why certain young employees—whom she sarcastically referred to as, “the millennials”—turned her off. Actions like not wearing a bra to work one day, and stating that it wasn’t laundry day, and watching Netflix during work hours can irritate the crap out of any employer. However, the more I worked there, I came to the realization that it more than likely wasn’t just them (“the millennials”) that was the problem. Often times, when leadership is sub-standard, those working for them (who don’t know any better) may go off the path; or, when the younger generation witnesses injustice and/or hypocrisy, they may rebel.
- Side Note: It was ironic that my adoptive dad, who often made fun of fat people (ever since I can remember) ended up with a fat, third family—both his decade-long, young mistress turned trophy third wife and their adult daughter. He sent me an email back in 2008 complaining how fat they got, though he was in his late sixties and his wife was in her mid/late forties. When I was in elementary school, he told me that people who go to church are all crazy (shared in another post); but, yet, he ended up becoming Catholic since his third wife was one. Within a year or so before he passed away of a heart-attack (in 2011), he apparently bought a gun, waved it around the area they were living in, while shouting about the corruptions of the catholic church. He had also pointed a gun toward his third wife’s head, and my older, step-brother (from my dad’s first marriage) had to stop him. His third wife (when she was in her thirties) used to make fun of stupid people who didn’t have at least $10,000 in their savings account, which made me feel pretty low since I didn’t even have that amount. Ironically, when my dad passed away, he left her with no money, just a ton of bills (to include mortgage payments). Since then, she had to live a poor lifestyle (though now she lives with her daughter and son-in-law), and I realized that she needed those experiences because Spirit was giving her an opportunity to let go of her judgment towards those who don’t have much money.
- The employee who was scheduled to move to another state in three weeks—when I started working at the store—was in his early twenties. As I shared with him, he seemed like an old soul, emotionally mature for his age, genuinely kind, intelligent, wise, very helpful, and calm, cool, and collected. One day, I noticed that his water bottle had all these positive words taped onto it that were written on paper, and cut out into tiny rectangles. I asked him if the idea had to do with the Japanese scientist who did the water experiment (I didn’t bother to memorize his name in the past). His face lit up and he enthusiastically replied that it was Masaru Emoto, and I told him that I really admired his positive outlook. Side Note: Just by typing this short story, I’m reminded to deeply look into Dr. Masaru Emoto’s highly beneficial, genius experiments and discoveries, since human bodies are made mostly of water ranging from 50-80% depending on various factors, to include age. Shortly before this old soul (coworker at the time) left, and in the middle of our conversation, he smiled a gentle smile, and said in a very subtle, sarcastic manner (for the first time) that “the millennials” were more than likely the blame. I smiled back to convey that I knew what he was talking about without having to talk about the ones who made fun of “the millennials” (mostly admin manager and main female manager). On his last day at the store, he said, “I don’t know if you’re going to be here when I visit Sedona within six months, but if you are, I’ll see you then.” The vibes that I strongly sensed from that statement was that he had a feeling I was going to leave this place within six months, the way several others have within a short timeframe. He was also good friends with Donnel, and I had no doubt that he, too, had heard a handful of colorful stories from Donnel, regarding the managers’ habitual mistreatment of their employees. Perhaps being informed of such information was a factor in his decision to only work there for a few months.
- Another young employee—who’s in his mid-twenties, and who only worked one day a week—was outgoing, personable, and very knowledgeable. Though he was a bit cocky, I respected and admired him for his dedication to his extensive self-study, especially when it comes to the merging of science and spirituality, and the revelations about the once hidden corruption of our world. He claimed that he more than likely new more about psychology than a psychology major attending college, and though it came off arrogant, I believed him due to his passion. One day, he said something that confirmed an already raised red flag. As I came in early to replace him, he was in the middle of venting about something to an older employee—the one who had, or maybe still has—a tendency to be patronizing or condescending. At one point, he said in a frustrated manner, “Well, I don’t want to get yelled at again!” As soon as he said that, I had a strong feeling he was referring to the main, female manager (who had anger issues and often yelled). Though I’ve briefly worked with the two, young gentlemen, they’ve never directly complained about other employees, managers, and/or owners, and vice versa; they were smart, and carefully chose their words and actions, though tiny hints may slip here and there.
- The only time I found the main, female manager’s yelling amusing was after a very stubborn, older woman left a box of items at our store. It was made clear to me by all managers NOT to ever accept any items, boxes, packages, etc. from their vendors for various reasons. However, for some reason, all three vendors I had to deal with were major pain in the asses. One old fart just dropped a bag of jewelry on the main counter, mumbled a few words, and proceeded out the door. I literally had to run over and block him from exiting, which felt silly, but necessary. Later, my male manager said that he (the old vendor) knew better, and that he was being naughty (I quietly giggled to myself when he said this word). Granted, one of the vendors was hiLARious by going off on me (with his super loud ass) when I tried to stop him from dropping off his box of magazines. He (a middle-aged white guy) shouted something to the effect, “Girrrl, you just brought my vibe down and changed the color of my aura from ___ to ___ [forgot what colors he mentioned]!!” I started busting out laughing, as well as customers in the store, who were probably like, “Who is this crazyass dude?” Fortunately, Donnel came out of his reading room in perfect timing, smiling and reassuring me that the vendor was good to go since he was a good friend of the owner’s family. I asked the managers if there was some kind of list that let me know who’s good to go or not, and I was told there wasn’t one. Well, this old woman vendor was very adamant about leaving the box of stuff that she claimed was already paid for, and wouldn’t take no for an answer, even as I was gradually raising my voice, and about to go from assertive to verbally aggressive. While seemingly wrestling with this old fart, my main, female manager came storming out of her office like a bat out of hell. As I watched them verbally wrestle with one another, it seemed like I was watching a scene from a comedy. As aggressive as my manager can get, even she wasn’t able to stop that vendor from leaving the box. I have no doubt that had either one of us physically grabbed the vendor, things would’ve went south real quick. The word reasonable was NOT in this old fart’s vocabulary. After she rushed out—and while no customers were in the store—my manager went apeshit crazy, repeatedly shouting several times at the top of her lungs, “I’M GOING TO KICK HER ASS!!!” I did my best not to bust out laughing because she looked SO funny with her thick, brown, shoulder-length, wavy hair flying all over the place while she dramatically shook her head and body part in various directions. She reminded me of a buck wild mare on crack going through some major, multi-pms symptoms. I was thinking, “Let me just slowly take baby steps back, just far enough to be safe, in case I accidentally get an elbow to the eye.” What intrigues me, is that despite my main, female manager’s mega roller coaster/volcano/hurricane/earthquake/tsunami-like personality, I experience moments where I unconditionally accept/embrace/love the all of her, and the others (I have no doubt that it’s only when I’m in a state—vibrational frequency of Oneness (as opposed to separation consciousness)—of complete alignment with Soul/Spirit within). What I thought was interesting is that my manager told me not to worry since it wasn’t my fault that the older woman vendor was being so damn difficult; and that she would inform our male manager that by the time she arrived to the scene, it was too late. I suppose I could’ve argued that she needed to tell him the full truth—to include her not being able to stop the vendor as well—but I understood that she was worried that he would be pissed, so I just let it go. They have cameras in the store, so if they really wanted to know what happened, they could see for themselves.
- When I asked how many managers there are, the admin manager stated they’re not technical about position labels, and that they do various tasks. In addition, she stated that the other female manager only thinks she’s the manager, and if she ends up talking too much, to simply gesture to her to be quiet (placing her forefinger over her mouth); that was funny. The more I worked there, the more I strongly sensed that the other female manager did everything in her power to make it NOT work between her and I because she felt threatened by the fact that my former Army background included supervision, training, management, etc. Granted, the thought never crossed my mind to be in a manager’s position there any time soon since they have a total of four managers between the two stores. The female manager at the sister store even confessed to me once (in a playful tone) that she had told the main, female manager, “This one’s amazing, so don’t break her.” As a former interrogator in the Army (second MOS/military job), I thought to myself, “What does she [my main female manager] think this store is…a big interrogation booth?” That piece of information that the other female manager shared, informed me that my main female manager 1) had “broke” others before me (hence, the high, employee turnover rate), and 2) was indeed about always being the top dog of the store, even dominating the passive, male manager (the owner’s son) with her overly aggressive personality (that she believes is a sign of a strong woman). Strength, in any form, that is misused or abused is NOT true power (Divine Power from Soul/Spirit within.
- One day, while the female manager went out for her smoke break, her two clients showed up on time for their session. After a couple of minutes, I called my manager just in case she lost track of time, and she said she was on her way. Upon arriving to the store, she shared a story with me (in a slightly irritated tone) that was meant to convey in an indirect manner, “Don’t ever call me again while I’m on my smoke break, to inform me of clients waiting.” She said that about a year ago, the male manager brought it up to her attention that she needs to keep her scheduled session times. She told him (in an aggressive tone) that she goes with the flow, so if her clients really want her service, they can just wait. Since then, the male manager apparently continued confronting her about this ongoing issue for almost a year. The conclusion to this story is that my female manager basically won the argument, and does what she pleases. I love going with the flow as well, but that doesn’t mean we do so while not fully fulfilling our end of our agreed upon responsibility, and not respecting others’ rights. If the female manager’s service was free, and she informed clients ahead of time what to expect, then it would be okay to keep them waiting. But I have no doubt that they have other plans too. I normally share such insights with a person directly, but I’ve made attempts before to honestly, tactfully, fully and freely communicate with her, but I’ve learned that she’s only all ears if the subject at hand doesn’t hurt her ego.
- One day, while working at the sister store, I was asked by the female manger there to help put away the salt lamp boxes after unloading them. Shortly afterwards, my main, female manager—who also works there at times—came into that room, and went off on me for placing the boxes there. The other manager turned to her and gently, yet, assertively told her, “Stop. I told her to put them in here.” Of course, the female manager didn’t apologize as usual, but when I later asked her why she was being cougar-like (and even made clawing gestures and cat sound effects) without knowing the facts, she smiled, apologized, and blamed her stress as usual. Every now and then, I’m able to incorporate humor into stressful situations to bring about a more peaceful state in self and others; however, when the drama becomes habitual and excessive, it can be very draining. Note inserted 1/11/2018 (or 1/11/11): I mentioned above that this video, “How to Deal with Anger – Teal Swan-” explains how those who do not allow themselves to experience anger (Donnel) are in a lower vibration than those who do. Well, my main female manager was the extreme opposite of Donnel, often expressing anger that negatively affected others. I’ve also learned from this video that those who experience chronic anger have a belief that there’s an omnipresent threat in their lives. If that’s the case, then as I’ve observed (and mentioned above), the ongoing threat that’s present in her life is anyone (other managers, employees, vendors, customers) who she believes could somehow threaten her current job.
Rewind: During the interview, the admin manager asked me what I preferred for part-time hours. When I stated that I preferred up to 30 hours, if possible, she reassured me that since one of their employees were moving out of state in three weeks, that more hours would be available.
In addition, a second employee, who only worked there one day, was also leaving due to a full-time job opportunity that made him happy, and provided more monetary abundance.
During that time-frame, another employee—whom I never worked with—apparently came into work one day, shortly after I started, and told the female manager that she was quitting, and wasn’t going to give a two weeks notice; so I covered her shifts.
However, after the three weeks past, the manager who interviewed me didn’t give me extra hours, but instead, hired two more part-timers, and took the extra hours (from the employee who left the state) for her and her husband.
When I tried to communicate with her, the very brief times that I even saw her, she was distant (unlike the very friendly and humorous version her the day of the interview).
So I wrote the owner and all four managers of two sister stores (twice) of all that I’ve experienced while briefly working there, to include but not limited to:
- the admin manager (who interviewed me) sweeping her so-called promise under the rug and avoiding authentic communication
- there were good reasons why they had a high turnover rate when it comes to employees
- very poor communication between managers themselves and their employees (to include withholding helpful information)
- managers talking bad about, making fun of, and blaming former, young employees (whom they referred to as “the millennials”), but not taking into consideration their own, habitual, unprofessional actions and inability to honestly and effectively communicate with their employees
- managers not taking the initiative to mark a lot of items within the store (i.e., prices, names, and/or contents), and then becoming highly irritated with new employees who have to contact them (via text, phone call, or email) during their off time
- managers not caring whether their employees get a chance to eat lunch and/or dinner during their shifts (employees are required to eat whenever the store’s not busy and they get a chance
- managers (mainly the three within the main store I worked at) not being on the same sheet of music, requiring employees to adjust to their own personal preferences.
- Ex. One day, I was informed by one of the older employees that a certain manager didn’t like the stapler placed on the front counter. I told her that the other manager insisted that the stapler be placed on the shelf right behind the front counter; and that I’m all about being flexible, but the whole stapler thing was just getting ridiculous, and I refused to participate in such nonsense; she agreed.
- Ex. When I had my first day of less than two hours of training by the admin manager, she informed me to fill out the closing forms on a daily basis. However, when I started working with the main, female manager (the aggressive one), she said that the admin manager only works at the main store once a week, and that I would be working mostly with her her; hence, implying that I do things her way, to include not filling out most of the closing forms since she more than likely didn’t feel like doing so. I did my best to be flexible, but then I started to sense that there may be some misunderstanding that caused friction between working relationships. The male manager started appearing annoyed about something whenever we worked together. I tried not to take his demeanor personally, but he was all smiley and friendly to other employees and customers. I usually approach people and talk to them if I sense there could be a misunderstanding, but he had made it crystal clear that he doesn’t feel comfortable talking to me (unless he’s sharing information about the store), and I had a strong feeling that it was related to his dominant wife and the cameras in the store. I put some puzzle pieces together, and recalled the moment where the main, female manager informed me that the male manager is very anal about a lot of things, to include paperwork in general, and will even thoroughly read every receipt on a daily basis. More than likely, the male manager and his wife (the admin manager) had noticed that I didn’t completely fill out the closing forms—as the admin manager had trained me to do, but the main female manager told me not to do. So they may have felt that I was blowing them off, especially if the main female manager didn’t tell them the truth. I also wondered if the main, female manager was setting me up for failure because she wanted me to quit. Had I come to this realization while still working there, I would’ve had a talk with all three of them; but I’m glad I at least informed them (via one of the letters) that them habitually not being on the same sheet of music makes it challenging (and not in a beneficial way) for things to run smoothly in the store.
- the main, female manager often going off on employees (same “blame game” and aggressive energy as my mother’s), shouting things like, “That’s all your stuff!” and later justifying her aggressive words, behavior, and/or actions on being so tired on a daily basis from having to help so many people in her life with their own dramas
- one particular manager (same as above) talking bad about other employees on their days off. Ex. She told the owner (who stopped by the store one day) that the older employee—who she’s buddy buddy with, and often eats lunch with—is condescending. This is true, but I had already told the older employee about this habit of hers, and when she stated that she was only being authentic and assertive, I reminded her that assertiveness comes with respect—the “I respect you and you respect me” communication style—and that she had a tendency to be a bit aggressive with her condescending and patronizing expressions (even toward customers) that comes off as “I’m superior to you, and you’re inferior to me”; the older employee seemed to communicate non-verbally that she understood. Note: Image on right found next to link => professionalwitch.blogspot.com (thank you)
- The female manager also shouted once, “Donnel [mentioned above] doesn’t know anything about this store!” I had no doubt those words would not have come out of her mouth if he was standing there. The was so lovey dovey towards Donnel whenever he was around, but ever since he was suddenly scheduled to mostly work at the sister store, it seemed as though she had no reason to be loyal to him.
- I’ve been informed by the same female manger mentioned above that the male manager is very condescending and patronizing—though she hugs him and tells him she loves him (like a mama) when he’s around—but I only experienced the latter in a subtle way. I strongly sensed that someone had already informed him that I have very little tolerance for that type of communication. Though he’s a Reiki Master (plus other certifications), he usually seemed tense, uncomfortable, and not happy at work. He’s definitely a perfectionist, but it seemed as though no amount of “going above and beyond” from his employees satisfied him.
- Two managers blamed me for the register computer system not functioning—even though I thoroughly explained to them that the receipts weren’t printing what the screen shows. When they both realized later that it wasn’t my fault, they still had too much pride to apologize, but became very obviously distant towards me; so I confronted them on their unreasonable behavior. They both stated that their demeanor was due to their personal issues.
- One day, while organizing crystals and polishing jewelry during slow hours, a police officer came by and stated that someone had pressed the distress alarm. I had no idea what he was talking about because none of the four managers had ever informed me of this important piece of information. I started contacting the owner and the mangers since this unknown alarm had to be turned off, and only one of them—the manager from the sister store—responded, and soon came by to help. I found out later that the male manager asked the female manager about why she didn’t inform me about the distress alarm when they had installed it together, and she shouted to him, “That was two years ago! Even if I had a gun to my head, I would not have remembered where it was!” I’m glad she had shared that with me because I had felt clueless for not having noticed it before (near one of the glass counters).
Soon after I sent the first letter via email, the male owner talked to me about possibly reconsidering my thoughts about no longer working there since problems can be resolved with solutions.
I agreed, but though I had brought up certain solutions to all the managers at different points, whenever I worked with them, they made it crystal clear that they didn’t consider the solutions a priority.
A few examples: better communication, managers being on the same sheet of music with perhaps a weekly or monthly meeting, marking a lot of the store items with prices, names, and/or contents, etc. (I was told by the female manager that marking of items would happen after the busy season, which didn’t make sense to me).
After I sent the second and final letter—as part of the official letter of resignation—both the husband and wife owners came by the store to talk to me.
The husband seemed professional and fair, and the vibes from the wife felt gentle, honest, wise, and angelic; she also shared with me what she had envisioned their stores to be—to include where people from all over the world can come to receive some healing—which felt like it came from a pure, heart-centered intention.
I agreed to stay though I had mixed feelings. A part of me wanted to stay because the female owner, with her loving presence, water-like eyes, and deep, soul-igniting eye contact, inspired me to be a part of her vision, where a crystal store isn’t just about woo woo’s, the way the admin manager once stated, “There are a LOT of CRAzy people who come here.”
Like I’ve shared in the post, “Reuniting with Ancient Roots and Building the Courage to Be Full-Potential Self”—under subtitle, “Acknowledging the Mystic Healer Within” (see excerpt toward bottom of this post)—working at this crystal store meant more to me that just a physical job; afterall, I was offered another job (in Sedona) and even an overseas, clearance-required career that were of higher positions, status, and pay.
Another part of me felt a bit manipulated since it would be difficult for most people (I think) to refuse to stay while being aware of the unfortunate health status of the female owner.
The female owner also asked if I wanted more money, to which I explained that my pay was never an issue, though I’m open to a raise one day when the timing is right. I shared that the admin manager had made it clear that $10/hour was all that they could afford to pay their employees, and I told her that it was understandable.
Afterall, during the interview, the admin manager had talked about her pregnancy complications, health issues, and medical bills. In addition, the female manager informed me of the female owner’s health issues as well.
The female owner mentioned not to worry about their finances, and then asked if there was anything else that they could work with me on.
I shared with her what I had already mentioned to the admin manager (and the female manager), which was the fact that we had agreed that I would be able to work extra hours (possibly up to 30 hours) after that one employee moved, but that didn’t happen; and that 16 hours per week may be suffice for a young student, but not for me since 1) the very small amount made per week, and 2) the back and forth commute alone is around six hours itself per week.
The owner agreed that her and her husband would make that happen, but I added that I didn’t want to create friction by going against the admin manager’s decision; I was just sharing with the owner the truth of what had happened, and what was supposed to happen.
The owner then stated that the admin manager is their daughter-in-law; hence, she will do as they say. Afterall, her husband convinced her to talk to me, and afterwards, she was convinced that they would both love me to continue working for them. I appreciated our talk that felt open, caring, and sincere.
Shortly after talking to the owners, and after they left the store, my female manager initiated a conversation. She was curious with what details were exchanged between the owners and I, though she had a vague idea since she walked by a few times.
So I told her the truth, and the manager stated, “She may be the owner, but she has absolutely no say when it comes to whether or not an employees goes or stays.” I had no doubt that she wouldn’t dare say such things in front of the owners.
She then proceeded to say that she would talk to the other managers to see if they would agree to the plan. I had a feeling that she didn’t exactly have my back, and that we weren’t on the same team (though at the interconnected soul level, we’re all on the same team).
I sensed that she was having a power trip—she (and not even the owners) wanted to be the main deciding factor as to whether or not I stayed or left; and I’ve often sensed that she didn’t want me there.
She even promised that she would treat me to lunch (that she absolutely insisted) and give me a free aura reading, but then swept those words under a dusty rug.
When she had shared with me a very special day that was coming up (11/28)—due to her discipline for years after various forms of human suffering—I visualized creating a painting for her that celebrated her accomplishment, and then framing it.
I’ve created home-made gifts for others in the past, and one caring, preschool teacher (Tina) I used to work with (at Mustard Seed)—who didn’t feel appreciated by the Director, even after working there for six years—wept with joy when she received the framed artwork (that also included two, inspirational teacher quotes); it was a deeply heartfelt moment for all of us, to include me (the assistant teacher) and the lovable and loving kids gathered around her in a circle.
Anyway, for the female manager’s gift, I imagined a beautiful, fiery, phoenix bird leaving behind the old, dark, ashes/fear-based energies below it. It was surrounded by fiery words such as, Courage, Passion, Inner-Strength, Determination, Heart, Resilience, etc.
However, I ended up leaving about a month before that day, and though the thought crossed my mind to still create it and mail it to the store, I let go of the idea since I was no longer excited or passionate about it.
Though I had agreed with the owners to stay, I noticed later that day from the When I Work app that my admin manager had taken away my last shifts without any notice.
She had requested that I give them more than two weeks (the required notice) for them to train the new employees, and I had agreed (up to three to four weeks if needed). So I asked her via email why she couldn’t even give me a heads up with her sudden, 180 decision (I deserved at least that much).
I further expressed that her being distant made me feel used and tossed to the side since she was really friendly whenever she asked me to help them out during times of need.
I also mentioned the talk I had with the owners, and that I decided to continue working there. She ignored my overall message, and basically told me that they all wished me the best.
I was initially very upset because 1) no one likes to feel used and 2) I was confused as to what happened. What made things worse is that I was willing to set aside the admin manager’s promise that she so casually swept under the rug, but then she screwed me over again.
My fearful ego self’s belief that injustice had occurred again further sent my vibrational frequency spiraling down at a rapid rate. I was becoming lost within victim mentality.
It felt as though I had been disconnected from my Higher Self—aka Beloved I (God) AM (Goddess) Presence/Soul & Spirit within—and forgot that our Higher Self attracts to the physical self all experiences that are highly beneficial (blessings), despite outer, temporary appearances (blessings in disguise).
I started seeking acknowledgement, encouragement, and comfort from outside of self. I reached out via text message to a female Reiki Master from Peurto Rico I had briefly, yet, deeply bonded with during that timeframe (mentioned in post, ).
The following is from the post, “The Gift of Abundance from Acceptable and Unacceptable Spiritual Teachers“:
In addition, within a week since my encounter with this mystic lady, I spent over an hour with another customer, who’s a Master Reiki lady from Peurto Rico.
We talked, smiled, laughed a lot, bonded, and even agreed that we felt so comfortable with each other as though we’ve always been close friends.
She looked like a wild, gorgeous, amazon, woman, and I shared my observation with her, which she was delighted to hear.
At one point, I noticed the number synchronicity that we were experiencing together, to include the numbers 111, 555, and 999 on her second receipt; we both became very excited, and she even took a picture of it from the register computer screen.
During our conversation, she also told me that I’m a clean channel of Spirit as well. I was reminded that repetition is a great reminder, and that perhaps it’s time to fully embrace Spirit’s gift. I thanked both ladies for sharing their observations.
However, once I had followed her on Instagram (that she requested), and liked and commented on her posts, I never heard from her again. I chose not to have hard feelings for her since our time together was only meant to be very brief.
However, since I had recently created an Instagram account for the sole purpose of connecting with a few, I ended up deleting it. I didn’t want to bother her again.
I also reached out to the couple I did a group toning with—shared in the post, “Reuniting with Ancient Roots and Building the Courage to Be Full-Potential Self”—but didn’t hear back from them as well.
They may have just been busy since we did interact via Instagram before, but I also sensed that our relationship wasn’t meant to be ongoing as well.
I also reached out to my husband, but with an emotionless expression, he said he was going to take a nap. Note: Insights further down
While sitting in the living room all by myself, I cried a deep cry; I felt so alone. I didn’t even care to communicate with Spirit within because I was tired of all of life’s bullshit, and often asking for assistance that I don’t seem to receive at times.
While weeping, I encouraged myself with positive self-talk—to include reminding self that I went above and beyond to be authentic self, a great employee, and a loving being to others—and it’s not my fault that certain others don’t appreciate it; and I then imagined hugging my wounded inner-child.
Once I released the hurt energies, I felt very peaceful as usual, and I was reminded from within that it was highly beneficial for me to experience:
- the job that didn’t resonate with my heart (which brings me that much closer to the spiritual career that I truly resonate with, simply The J.O.B./Joy Of Being)
- and the so-called rejection when I reached out to others, because I was meant to encourage, comfort, and unconditionally accept/embrace/love self during a very low point (which is the most powerful).
I later had a talk with my husband about how his insensitive action made me feel, and he said he understood. I also reminded him of other times he was emotionally unavailable, and that perhaps it’s time that we go our separate ways and start new lives; he didn’t like the idea, and agreed to work on being more present.
Looking back, I realized that my husband’s been having a difficult time fully and freely expressing his true thoughts and feelings due to his inability to fully embrace all of his emotions. And when we’re unable to process our own feelings, we’re unable to empathize with interconnected others.
So since then (and even before then), I’ve been gradually and naturally helping him (as well as myself) to see the bigger picture (to expand our consciousness.) when it comes to our major life happenings, to obtain wisdom from the life lessons, to closely examine our habitual thoughts, words, behaviors, and actions, to explore our known and unknown (subconscious) beliefs, embrace all of our emotions, to honor all of our feelings, and to simply Be authentic self/Self (Soul/Spirit within).
Then, I was able to feel compassion for and unconditionally forgive those—wounded wounders/wounded inner-child (see recent post, “Hugging the Wounded Child/Narcissist Energy Trapped Within an Adult Body“)—I once experienced as “separate” others who were unloving in some way, shape, form, and/or degree.
I reflected upon my experiences with them and was able to recognize and extract the so-called good, beneficial, and loving aspects of them (to include their strengths). I then shared my positive observations of all of them (to include the employees) via a Google review (something they hadn’t received much of by customers for years).
And last but not least, after much reflection and being transparently honest with self, I realized that I was able to relate to most of the “negative” energies of these so-called others because I, too, had experienced moments throughout my life where I was like them (in varying degrees).
Note: Image on left above found next to link => Seek Cindy. – WordPress.com (thank you)
The following is an excerpt from the post, “The Gift of Abundance from Acceptable and Unacceptable Spiritual Teachers“:
I have no doubt that the powerful energies of the Sedona vortexes can either bring out the best or the worst in people depending on our level of consciousness; hence, just because one resides and/or works in Sedona, doesn’t make one a match to the high, spiritual frequencies nearby.
However, we can also learn from those who are habitually NOT kind because they not only remind us of who we choose not to be, but they can also teach us to develop a deeper, purer compassion for unaware/”lost” souls (aka wounded wounders) who habitually think, feel, believe, behave, speak, and act from fear-based energies. But those details are for another post.
From an expanded perspective, I have no doubt that the once repressed or suppressed aspects of self/Self all resurface when triggered by the intense energies of Sedona, to be noticed, recognized, re-examined, acknowledged, healed, and integrated into the whole self/Self.
And we can either run away from them shouting, “I can’t stand these outer energies!“—like we did in the past, convincing ourselves that these negative energies have nothing to do with us—or face them (our fears) and fully embrace them (the inner fear energies first and foremost) with our greater integrated Mind/Heart Self (Soul/Spirit within), since darkness (ignorance/lost “negative” fear-based energies) is attracted to Light because it yearns to re-member (with the whole/The One) […]
As mentioned above:
Like I’ve shared in the post, “Reuniting with Ancient Roots and Building the Courage to Be Full-Potential Self”—under subtitle, “Acknowledging the Mystic Healer Within” (see excerpt toward bottom of this post)—working at this crystal store meant more to me that just a physical job; afterall, I was offered another job (in Sedona) and even an overseas, clearance-required career that were of higher positions, status, and pay.
Acknowledging the Mystic Healer Within
Though my job title is Staff/Cashier, I often find myself quickly (and even deeply) connecting with customers. So far, over dozens of people have shared very personal, detailed stories with me (and not because I asked), and I’ve been thanked for helping them—with what I trust is sharing Light (Christ Consciousness/Divine Masculine energies/God/Mind/Sun/Yang) and Love (Buddha Consciousness/Wisdom/Divine Feminine energies/Goddess/Heart/Moon/Yin) from within.
Some people have wept, and I would hug them and comfort them to the best of my ability, and send them healing energies from my heart.
The more of these heartfelt, soul-igniting experiences I have, I noticed that I build more and more confidence to consider self an actual mystic healer; and I’m very grateful to Spirit within for these gifts.
Before then, I suppose I still had doubts that I was ready. However, looking back—to include many stories I’ve shared within this blog alone—I’ve been helping many others with their problems, to include strangers I’ve just met.
Even when I was seeing therapists and psychologists shortly before leaving the Army, most of them shared their personal issues with me, and I would give them advice. Even nurses who checked me into my annual doctor’s appointments, or came by to check my vitals, ended up sharing their very personal stories (e.g., divorce, wondering about spiritual path, what they feel guilty about, etc).
I trust it’s times to fully own what all is mine, to include my earthly and otherworldly skills and abilities that I can contribute to self/Self (Soul/Spirit within), interconnected humanity, Mother Earth, merging worlds, and beyond.